A PhD in Ego Death!

Yeah, really.  The process of doing a PhD for me has been a great exercise in ego death.  Die!  I mean, the ego is resilient.  The vanity, fear, self-doubt, perfectionism, depression, self-doubt, radical questioning of meaning and what-the-hell-can-I assert is bound in the ego knot.  

Many spiritual teachers talk about the blessings in struggle.  It’s not a pat meaning, but something to be discovered.  It’s good to say that things are not okay.  Also, struggle can yield a new open perspective, more space inside, less hair-knots around the self-doubt-self.

Being in an enduring process of criticism and critique has been one of facing a fear of my right to be, in a way. (whoa).  But, of course, when you face what you fear (criticism, someone thinks that what I think is crap, or unclear, or confused) YOU ACTUALLY SURVIVE.  Over and over.  And keep on surviving.  And there have been many low points where I have felt completely ground down with no self-esteem left.  And I kept on surviving.  

At this point I reckon I wil sound precious.  But, hey, we are all, ultimately, pretty self-obsessed.  Again, another gift of this process of a long project of being up for critique is loosening off the preciousness.  Having those rare moments of detachment between the ego and the work.

And there is the blessing.  Really.  So when people ask me if they should do a PhD … there may be a blessing in it.  And I am blessed to be privileged enough to be able to do it.  Here’s to the birth of the doctorate baby. Soooooon.

6 Comments

  1. Sure 7 MD will be 4 years and if you plan to practice miecdine another 3 for an internship and residency3 JD will be 3 years3 PhD will be 3 years (if you don’t need any leveling courses and don’t take forever for your dissertation)3 PsyD will be 3 years (also if you don’t need any leveling courses in psych.)1 Since you have an MBA (unless your concentration was in I/O Psych) you’ll need some prereqs for that PsyD so let’s just say 1 year. You’d finish when you’re 41 years old. This too assuming you went straight through them all full-time and didn’t need a job while you did them.You’d then have about 21 years of work life left to try to recover about a half-million in education costs. Assuming you’d be needing to work at all.

  2. dit :Je me posais la meme question ce week-end, lorsque je me promenais sur la 343…Limite permise: 90km/h… et on doit ralentir voir freiner, pour ne pas pogner le champs dans les courbes. Alors que sur la métropolitaine, on pourrait y rouler à 200 km/h sans meme devoir ralentir pour une courbe.La « logique » gouvernamental, c’est plus qu’il a circulation sur un troncon d’une route, plus qu’il faut réduire la vitesse…Mais en réduisant la vitesse, il crée plus de trafic, donc plus de risques d’accident…[]

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